Caring for a loved one with dementia can be emotionally draining, especially when your partner with dementia saying hurtful things feels personal. It’s important to remember that these words are symptoms of the illness — not a reflection of your relationship or your care.
Why Dementia Causes Hurtful Remarks
Dementia affects memory, communication, and emotional regulation. Your partner may:
Misinterpret your actions or intentions
Feel frustrated or scared without knowing why
Repeat past fears or resentments
These hurtful statements are not intentional. They are expressions of confusion, fear, or distress caused by changes in the brain.
For more insight, see Alzheimer’s Society – Behaviour and Personality Changes.
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Request Your Free Estate Planning ReviewHow to Cope When Your Partner Says Hurtful Things
1. Stay Calm and Don’t Take It Personally
Respond gently and avoid arguing, which can escalate distress.
2. Validate Emotions, Not Words
Acknowledge their feelings with statements like “I see you’re upset” without agreeing with hurtful remarks.
3. Redirect Attention
Shift focus to calming activities, music, or familiar routines to ease agitation.
4. Seek Support
UK-based carers can access guidance from dementia care homes, Admiral Nurses, or support groups to learn coping strategies and manage emotional stress. Helpful resources include:
Understanding that your partner is saying hurtful things because of the condition — not because of you — can protect your emotional wellbeing and help you provide compassionate care.
